The Big Secret is a powerful exploration of truth, memory, and the weight of silence. In this deeply personal solo show, Brad Lawrence confronts a decades-old secret and its lasting impact. I had the opportunity to ask Brad Lawrence about the show’s inspiration, audience reactions, and balancing humor with heavy storytelling.
The Big Secret revolves around the power of secrets and how they shape our lives. What inspired you to tell this story?
The show centers around me finally telling a secret I had been keeping, on a friend's behalf, for nearly three decades after her murder. I decided to tell the story because events made me realize that a secret is not the same thing as truth. But it took me 30 years to figure that out. When I actually told the secret to my sister (she was the first person I told) it was because political events and Supreme Court decisions made me think about whether or not it was important for the story to be told, was it important enough to do something I had strictly avoided doing for so long. Then, when my sister started asking me questions, the questions she was asking made me understand that I had been holding on to what happened with the same understanding I'd had when I was fourteen and my friend was seventeen, and she had sworn me to keep mum. But our understanding was flawed and immature and layered over with shame and fear that neither of us deserved, and as I dug deeper into what happened, trying to form a belated adult understanding of the events around her murder, it started to become clear that the shame and fear she'd been living with may have played a direct role in her death.
How have audiences responded to The Big Secret? Have there been any reactions or conversations that stood out to you?
The audience reaction has been extremely positive and, also, highly emotional. I had a woman just cry for ten minutes after the show, trying to tell me what it meant to her. It was a gratifying response. Not because I like to make people cry - I normally do comedy - but because I want them to help me carry my friend's memory and the truth of what happened to her forward into the world and, if it is hitting people that deeply, then it makes me feel more sure that I have accomplished my goal.
Your show blends humor with deeply emotional moments. How do you balance these tones when telling such a personal and weighty story?
Well, everything is both. Absurd things happen in even the most dire situations. I think it really is my mom and sister who taught me to see things for their absurdity as much as for their tragedy. I was the baby of the family and the two of them were trying to manage a sprawling clan of Ozark rednecks who were always coming up with inventive ways to make bad situations into very bad situations. You had to be able to see the ways in which it was funny or you'd spend all your time in the fetal position. Also, I think there is an element of feeling the need to take care of the audience. If you come at them with just unrelenting horror, they're going to be exhausted and demoralized, and that is not only inaccurate about the reality of life, but it can also start to feel punishing after a while. I'm always a bit leery of trigger warnings when it comes to true stories because the lived experience you are trying to communicate arrived without trigger warnings. But if that is so, then the burden is on you to take extra care to craft a show that is survivable and edifying for the audience and not just a hammer that you are pounding them with. You have to make the ways in which you thrived in spite of the tragedy as much of a lived experience for the audience as the tragedy itself. Then, you are really in it together.
What do you hope audiences take away from the show?
That secrets and shame can warp truth and they can give fear and lies more weight than compassion and justice.
What are you working on next? Are there any new projects?
Next up is taking the Big Secret to the Green Bay and Minnesota Fringes in the summer. In the meantime, I am working on a newsletter/blog that is me writing about leaving the safety (and horror) of rural Missouri and venturing out into the world with zero life skills and no money. It's a journal of my lifelong attempts to swim when sinking was a lot more likely. Folks can find that here - https://go-with-brad-lawrence.ghost.io - and, my wife, Cyndi Freeman, and I run a monthly show at The Slipper Room called Hotsy Totsy Burlesque; it is a fully scripted sketch comedy, burlesque send up of popular culture, everything from Star Trek and Star Wars to the films of Merryl Streep. It's on the second Thursday of every month and you can get tickets for it here at slipperroom.com
Thank you, Brad! Have a wonderful run in Minnesota and best of luck with your other projects!
"The Big Secret"
Written & Performed by Brad Lawrence
February 16 - 27
UNDER St. Marks (94 St Marks Pl)
FRIGID New York
Yani Perez, M.F.A., is a poet, playwright, translator, and educator. Her plays have been presented in various theaters in the United States, such as La Mama and Yale University, as well as internationally in Bogotá, Colombia. She works at IATI Theater, one of the oldest Latinx theaters in NYC. She is currently working on translations of Latinx artists in hopes of introducing them to English-speaking audiences.
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